April 1st Press Release

by on April 1, 2011Posted in: Laffers

1:14pm BAMcinematek issues an email announcing their “bold move to a new presentation format”:

Subject: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: BAMcinematek to ONLY project on DVD

 

1:19pm Brynn White forwards the message to fellow Alt Screen’ers, commenting:

Whoa.

 
1:21pm Brynn clarifies her reaction in a follow-up email:

They totally got me on April Fools. Shit.

 
Personally I don’t enjoy laughing at other people’s expense. What about you, Brynn?
 
The original email:

———- Forwarded message ———-
 
From: Gabriele Caroti ******@bam.org
 
Date: Fri, Apr 1, 2011 at 1:14 PM
 
Subject: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: BAMcinematek to ONLY project on DVD
 

BAMcinématek announces bold move to new presentation format for all screenings: DVDs.

 
Brooklyn, NY/Apr 1, 2011—BAMcinématek announces, effective immediately, all screenings at Brooklyn’s preëminent movie house will now be projected from DVDs. Remaining on the cusp of the newest in quality presentation, BAMcinématek will eschew the dusty old format of film by ceasing to present motion pictures in 35mm or any gauge, and solely exhibit the works of world cinema in the reliably decent format of DVD. In the past, BAMcinématek went to great lengths to procure the best possible 35mm prints, scouring archives all around the globe.
 
Florence Almozini, BAMcinématek Program Director, states “No more. It’s exhausting. Never again will we show a movie on film. We just imported a few super rare, pristine, yet unsubtitled 35mm prints from Europe, and went through all the trouble of projecting our own subtitles. And you know what? Forget it. I don’t care, and neither do our audiences. By showing movies from DVDs, we expect to have easier and better access to a wider range of titles than ever before—subject to Netflix availability.” Quoting one of her home country’s most famous exports, she adds, “Non, je ne regrette rien.”
 
Feliz Solomon, BAMcinématek Print Shipping Coördinator, declares “While I will be losing my job, I fully endorse BAM’s decision to make this move to a more portable, pocket-sized format. It’s easier, frankly, for [Associate Programmer] Jake [Perlin] to walk over to The Video Trough than it is for me to get on the horn with consulates, studios, and archives. So, economically it makes sense. I guess. Whatevs.”
When the DVD was unveiled to the world in 1995, Hollywood studios were so awed by the beauty of the new medium that they feared for the future of their rickety old film projections. This format—now only 17-years old—is proving to be the wave of the future in repertory cinema. While similar institutions around New York City remain in the early-mid 20th century, some have time-warped into the late-20th century: the 90s. BAMcinématek will join this elite group in this new brave new world, with serviceably adequate digital presentations from DVDs—again, subject to Netflix availability.

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